


Completely Straight Loverboy

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Denial of Feelings, Eventual Relationships, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-05-27 13:53:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6287227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I accidentally grabbed your butt thinking you were my REALLY close friend please don't be angry I am so sorry," a personal favorite AU. </p><p>I got the idea from tumblr but i can't find it now, oops</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bum Grabbing Escapade

That boy made him feel good, bad, overwhelmed, and confused all at once. That boy made him feel strange. 

Phil was..special. To say the least. He had eyes that could light Dan ablaze, but not in a gooey sap filled way. He wasn’t sure if the fire that ate at his gut was soft and calm, or intense and malignant. He just didn’t know about that boy.

He met Phil when he was sixteen, fiery and full of life. He’d like to say they met in an art class, both of them dropping paint brushes and as they both bent down to pick them up, their gazes caught. 

Well, that wasn’t it. 

Dan Howell was, to say the least, an outgoing kid. Practically everyone liked him, and he wasn’t a bad guy. Sure, a bit overly confident, but he wasn’t bad. 

Phil Lester was quiet, but didn’t go unnoticed. A select few cliques favored him, but he stayed on his own. Shy, but not to the point of social awkwardness, you know? His pale skin and almost black hair that was almost navy made it so he looked a bit like Dan's best friend, Jordan.

Now, Jordan and Dan were the closest two friends could be. At first people thought there was something fishy going on between them, but they’d always denied it, because..Well, it just wasn’t true.

Sure, they made sexual jokes at each other, but they both knew they just weren’t each others romantic (or sexual) types. They respected that, but that didn’t stop them from grabbing each others asses and winking suggestively before falling to the floor laughing at their shocked peers’ expressions.

The girl had ADHD, glasses, and a short pixie cut that almost made her resemble a boy, but she didn’t mind. However, this made things a bit awkward one day when Dan was walking through the halls. 

It was the third week of the second semester, and Dan was in tenth grade. The tanned teenager was just strolling around, casually saying hellos to friendly acquaintances, nothing out of the ordinary. He and Jordan usually met up before first hour started, and there he spotted the back of her head, dark raven hair with temple tips peeking out from her ears.

He thought of a hilarious idea. 'It’ll be funny,' he thought, imagining everyone’s reactions, laughing and clapping. He ran up to her and grabbed her butt with both hands, laughing. “Hey, babe!” He grinned, knowing she’d turn around and laugh, shooting a line back at him.

Unfortunately for Dan, this was not the case. His hands froze and it seemed like everyone else in the corridor did too. He felt a flush creeping up his ears as he realized that this was not her. 

“Oh, fuck, I’m so sorry, I-I thought that you were my good friend and we’re super c-close, so..” Dan stammered as he removed his hands and distanced himself about three feet, his hands shoved in his pockets and his eyes on the floor. 

The mystery person turned around to look at the other, and one could only describe his expression as intrigued as he gazed down at him. “Er, it’s alright.”

The brunette looked up at the other and his breath hitched. It wasn’t exactly just his eyes that astounded him, but just his overall appearance. His skin was a milky porcelain with blue undertones, and he had no clue how he mistook this walking Greek god for Jordan.

Sure, she was pretty, but she wasn’t him. His eyes seemed to glimmer with unknown motives, and his cheeks had a lively flush, but he somehow didn’t look embarrassed. 

Black glasses framed his face, though Dan wasn’t sure what kind they were. All he knew was that they looked good, and he'd never gotten butterflies for a boy before. 

After what seemed like hours of gawking at the graceful yet lanky boy, Dan nodded wordlessly as Phil muttered a soft goodbye and continued on to his next class. 

“Close your mouth, lover boy, you’ll catch flies,” he heard from behind him in that familiar bubbly voice he grew to love. Jordan laughed as the flustered teen spun around to look at her.

The shit-eating grin on her face grew wider when she realized her friend was blushing. “What?” Dan managed to say without stumbling over his words. He was suddenly hyper-aware of the people surrounding him. 

To be fair, some people were snickering and looking at him with teasing eyes, but it was mostly his imagination that made them look ready to burst out into laughter while simultaneously kicking him to the ground.

“I saw your little bum grabbing escapade,” Jordan poked fun, examining her friend from head to toe. The tips of his ears and apples of his cheeks were far from returning to their normal color, and his eyes held..something. 

Dan scoffed, attempting to look confident. “It was a silly mistake, I thought he was you, so I kinda just..” His voice grew shaky and trailed off as he sucked in a deep breath. “That was embarrassing.”

The boy’s friend feigned shock, slapping a hand dramatically over her chest. “Daniel James Howell? Embarrassed? I’ve never heard of such a thing!” She chortled and he grumbled, socking her in the arm.

They both eventually got to the topic of weekend plans, as it was Wednesday and they hadn’t figured anything out yet. “We should go to a party or something, remember Carrie’s? Carrie’s party was so fun, we should go to a party,” Jordan spoke in a passionate tone. 

“A party, huh? Yeah, that sounds like a good idea, do you know of any that are being thrown this weekend?” The brunet boy inquired as his eyes wandered around the hallway they were currently strolling down. 

The girl shrugged her shoulders, yawning. “I’ll ask around in first hour. There probably is one, this school is full of the party types.” Dan nodded in agreement, looking down as he saw a loose leaf of paper with messily scrawled letters filling the page from the margin to the end of each line. 

“What is it?” Jordan asked, peeking over the taller other’s shoulder to try and read the chicken scratch as she was swatted at.

“It’s notes. Apparently the person who wrote them is named Phil Lester, and they’re in my biology class. Today’s a reading quiz, and we can use notes, so maybe I should try and find ‘em,” he murmured, barely able to decipher the writing. 

Jordan nodded, picking up another few pages that were lying on the floor nearby. Just then, the drawn out blip of the bell told them that they had five minutes left before first hour started. 

Gathering the papers together, Dan smiled and poked his friend in her side. “Ask around, okay? I’m gonna go find Phil.” With that, they nodded and parted ways.

/That boy was pretty damn cute. I wonder if I’ll be able to see him again without doing something mortifying./ Dan’s thoughts roiled in his head as he entered his class, spotting some familiar faces. He waved hello to his teacher, her face chubby and her hair a graying blonde.

He sat in the desk next to his old friend from elementary school, PJ. “Hey man, do you know a kid named Phil Lester? I found some of their notes in the hallway, and the paper said that it was for first hour bio.” 

PJ took the papers from Dan’s hands, green eyes scanning the lines. “Oh yeah, I know him.” He handed his friend the notes and turned to the back of the room. “Hey, Phil!”

The brunette looked in the direction that his friend was facing, and his breath caught. It was the same pale boy whose butt he grabbed. /Awkward./ 

“Dan has your notes, you missing ‘em?” The curly haired teen asked. A very faint blush spread across Phil’s cheeks, making him look even more irresistible to Dan.

Regaining his composure quickly, the ebony haired boy nodded, looking toward the other. Silently, Dan handed him his notes and then quickly turned back to face the front of the room. 

He didn’t want to say anything that would mess things up again, and he didn’t really have much of a chance to anyways. The bell rang out through the school, and first hour began. The pudgy friendly eyed teacher quietly announced they’d be taking notes from chapter whatever section I-don’t-care, and the school day began. 

Eventually first through third hour dragged by, and Dan finally regained his usual confidence after avoiding any sort of verbal contact- or eye contact, for that matter -with anyone who saw him lay his hands on another boy’s bum.

Homosexuality and general queerness weren’t exactly discriminated against at Dan’s school, but it wasn’t the usual either. If you were gay, you’d either be the star of the school, or the class laughing stock. There were ups and downs, the brunette had learned as he observed other kids who had come out as queer. 

As Dan watched a gay couple make out a bit more attentively than he should have, Jordan tapped him on the shoulder. “Hey, it’s lunch time. Let’s go eat in the library, Mrs. Pitt said she’d let me today. ADHD perks, am I right?” 

The boy chuckled softly and nodded, getting up from where he was sitting to walk with his friend. “So, any fun shindigs to surf over to, dude?” Dan asked in a stereotypical American surfer accent. 

“Yeah bro, PJ’s throwing a gnarly bash at his house this Friday! Cowabunga!” Jordan laughed enthusiastically, making hand motions like she was riding waves on a surf board.

Pursing his lips and squinting a little, the other nodded with the same amount of enthusiasm, throwing up a sign of the horns with both hands. Both of them laughed as they entered the library, sitting down to talk a bit before they headed down to the lunch line.

“Anyways, did ya meet Phil? Was he pretty?” She asked, folding her hands under her chin and leaning in a little bit. Scoffing, Dan looked away, remembering how nice the pale boy looked in his biology class that morning.

He scanned the room quickly to make sure no one who witness his mistake earlier was there. “Yeah,” the teen spoke in a hushed tone, “It turns out, he was the owner of the butt I grabbed before first hour.” Needless to say, Jordan absolutely lost her shit.

Eyes wide and mouth spread into a lip-cracking grin, she giggled in a way that was almost concerning. “You one thousand percent have a crush on him! I can see it in your eyes!” The girl waggled her fingers, motioning to his eyes that were currently rolling in their sockets.

“I barely know the guy, I'm straight, and he doesn’t even know my name. I can’t just fall in love at first sight. Doesn’t exist to begin with, you know my beliefs, Jordy.” A loud sigh escaped the pixie haired girl.

“Stop calling me Jordy. It sounds like Geordie, like the least attractive sounding accent in the entire world,” she groaned, leaning back in the wooden chair she sat in. “I can guarantee that by next week, you’ll be head over heels for that fool.”

Shrugging, Dan gazed at her with half lidded smirking eyes. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” He crossed his arms, leaning back in his chair to match his friend’s posture. It was now Jordan’s turn to roll her eyes, moaning again and sitting back upright. 

“Let’s go get some food, lover boy.” 

“Stop calling me that, Jordy.”


	2. At Least Slightly Partial

Dan and his bubbly sidekick wander their way through the halls filled with bustling kids until they reach the cafeteria, or as Jordan would say, "high schools special little hell."  
They get into line to buy themselves something sustainable, chatting about nothing in particular, until their mutual friend Carrie bounces up to them, her blond ringlets bobbing in sync with her movements. 

"Hey guys! Are you gonna be coming to PJ's party on Saturday? Basically everyone is gonna be there, it's gonna be super fun," she beamed endearingly. Dan was in the middle of ordering something to eat, glancing at his friend to silently ask her to answer for both of them. 

Looking back at the Carrie, Jordan grinned broadly the match the blonde's excited expression. "Yeah, we're both gonna be driving there in Dan's mom's clunker- sorry, her car. Who do you know that's gonna be there?" Dan grabbed his tray of food and the three of them walked to a row of empty seats at one of the tables.

"Erm, well, the only people I know are going to be PJ, Tom, Jack, Finn, Emma..." She trailed off as her brows furrowed, an adorably concentrated expression on her face. Then, it was almost like in cartoons where a lightbulb appears over a character's head. "Oh! And there's also going to be Phil and Chris!"

Dan's eyes went wide as saucers, looking over at his friend with pleading eyes. Unfortunately for him, Jordan had already opened her mouth. "Phil Lester? Tell me it's Phil Lester." The blonde's eyebrows knitted together, looking between both of them. 

Nodding slowly, she looked back and forth between them again. "Yeah, why?" A high pitched sinister giggle escaped Dan's friend as he grumbled, staring at his shoes and furiously munching on a french fry. 

"Dan accidentally grabbed Phil Lester's ass earlier today, and now he one thousand percent has a crush on him!" Jordan chattered to Carrie. The brunette took in a sharp breath, choking on his fry and beginning to cough up pieces. Shaking his head, he opened his water and took a large gulp as the two girls giggled.

When he could speak again, the teenage boy spat out countless words of denial. "I do not! What are you even- why are you-" He was cut off by the blonde girl squeaking.

"You're gay?!"

His face went beet red as a few people from surrounding tables turned to look his way. "No, Carrie, I am not gay, and I do not like Phil!" He spluttered fervently, desperately hoping that none of his peers had heard. However, his head was swimming with thoughts about the other boy. Was Carrie asking because Phil liked him? Did he actually like Phil? 

All the while Dan was fumbling with his fingers and shifting his feet as he tried to figure his own thoughts out, Jordan and the blonde kept babbling. "He turns red as a tomato every time I even bring up Phil. I swear to all that is holy, Care-Bear, the boy is at least slightly partial to him," the dark haired girl insisted, occasionally glancing back at her friend who still looked quite troubled. 

Now that she thought of it, Dan had never really shown much interest in the girls at their school to begin with. They had been best friends for a long time now, and sure, she'd seen two or three girlfriends come and go, but never had she heard him speak of them in an affectionate way. But, gay as he may be, he still looked extremely embarrassed, so she decided to take pity or the poor thing. "Hey Danny! Get outta your head, it's probably pretty dark and scary in there. What's the homework in history?" 

When the day was finally over, Dan rode the bus home. Unfortunately for him, Jordan wasn't on the same bus, so he usually just ended up sitting quietly with his earbuds in. Putting it on shuffle, he sat back in the grey plastic seat and stared out the grimy window. 

Of course, this gave him more time to think about the one and only Phil Lester, who will be in the teenager's first hour for the rest for the year, and at the party he would be forced to go to on Saturday. He couldn't really tell if this was a good thing or a bad thing, because god, the boy was gorgeous, but Dan was also prone to making a fool out of himself in front of the other.

The brunette decided to think of the other aspects of Lester besides the whole "grabbed his beautiful ass and then stood there like a numbskull probably leaking spit amongst other fluids" thing. Like his face. He was already melting just thinking about his face. Phil's cheekbones were high and prominent, perfectly fitting for his slightly narrow jaw. The boy was basically genetically perfect, and his lips. Oh god, his lips. 

They were pretty, to say the least. A slight frown had taken form, but then again, Dan had only seen him in two situations, and of course they were both awkward. But god, did he want to kiss them. He wasn't even denying it at this point. The raven haired teen had tricked the brunette's heart into wanting him, and unfair as it may be, it was the truth. 

By the time Dan had stopped thinking about Phil, he looked up and saw only two people on the bus. Shit. Of course he'd missed his stop. Just his luck. 

He sighed heavily as he stepped off on the next available stop in an unknown neighborhood. Thankfully, his phone still had a little battery life left, so he dialed Jordan's number since his mother would most likely still be at work. 

"Hello?" The perky voice confirmed that she'd answered, to Dan's relief. "Hi, I sort of missed my stop because I wasn't paying attention on the bus, can you maybe get me a ride home?" 

He heard a smug laugh before she answered. "Yeah, sure, loverboy. Where you at, boo?" Rolling his eyes, he gave her the address of the nearest house and sent her on her way. 

As he put his phone in his pocket, Dan suddenly felt a little vulnerable. He looked around him, seeing nobody but a squirrel scurrying up an oak tree. Deciding that he'd rather not just stand there until Jordan came, he cautiously walked over to the tree a few feet behind him and sat under it, trying to be nonchalant. 

He continued to just look around and wait for his friend until he saw it. That familiar head of hair and lanky figure. God fucking damn it, it was the cause of his demise, back at it again.

After that initial moment of sheer panic, he tried to just stay where he was and hope Phil didn't see him as he tried his hardest not to check him out. The poor kid was just trying to get his mail, but no, Dan's brain just decided out of the blue, "Hey, you know what would be a good idea? Eye fucking my obvious homosexual crush, am I right or am I right?" 

Sadly, Phil was only about twenty feet away, and there was absolutely no way he wasn't going to spot the brunette's pseudo casualness. "Oh! Uh..hey!" 

There it was. The first smile the boy had seen from the other, and it was like staring at the sun. Only, it was a sun that didn't burn your corneas. More like a very gentle but bright lightbulb. 

"H-Hey, erm.." Dan cleared his throat, stood up, and crossed his arms, leaning back against the tree. His feet crossed over each other, fumbling before tripping over themselves. "Uh, what's up..man?" 

Fuck. That was so awkward. What was that? What was he trying to achieve just then? He momentarily furrowed his eyebrows at his own stupidity before sliding back down into his original sitting position with his knees tucked up, focusing back on the Sun.

Phil raised a perfectly arched eyebrow and chuckled. "Nothing much, just checking my mail..I see you're having fun by yourself under that tree of yours. Mind if I join you? You look a bit lonely!" 

Dan wanted to scream. He wanted to scream to loudly. Exclaim to the world that yes, Phil Lester, you can sit next to me under this tree, only if I can sit on your virtually flawless face afterwards.

Obviously he didn't yell that, he didn't yell at all, he just nodded wordlessly with his eyes bugging out just a tad. Still flashing the brunette that gorgeous grin, the black haired boy sat next to him about two inches away.

Dan refused to let himself overthink this, but is he sitting that close because he liked him?!

"So, can I ask why you're sitting here?" Phil asked, scrunching his nose up as he dusted off his hands and focused fully on the other.

How was he supposed to phrase "I was thinking about how much I want to kiss you and then I missed my stop on the bus specifically because of how extremely gorgeous you are" without it sounding creepy?

He decided upon a simple answer. "I missed my bus stop, s-so I'm just waiting for my friend to pick me up."

Phil nodded, that bright expression somehow still on his face as he looked away for a moment. "So, I heard from Carrie that you're going to PJ's party, huh?"

"Yeah, I heard you're going too," Dan smiled a little, daring to playfully nudge his shoulder. "Maybe you should focus more on keeping track of your notes than parties, don't you think?" 

A soft pink tint graced the boy's pale cheeks as he let out a laugh. "And maybe you should focus a bit more on being more observant of the people whose bums you grab!" He punctuated his retort with a jab to the side.

With that, the brunette's face went bright red and he loudly yelled and laughed at the same time before quickly sitting up and grabbing his side. Catching on, Phil deviously smirked. "Ticklish, are we?"

Dan's eyes went wide with fear, though he secretly liked where this was going. Suddenly, the other lunged at him and began jabbing, poking, and tickling at his sides, forcing him to howl and shriek with laughter. 

Phil was pleasantly satisfied at that, continuing on to see the brunette's wide grin as he threw his head back. Both of their jeans were getting dirty from the ground, but neither seemed to care much. 

Fleeting fingers and breathless chuckles came to an abrupt stop at the sound of tires screeching. "Am I interrupting something, or..?" Naturally, it was the one and only Jordan, here to rescue Dan from the situation he totally did not want to be in at all. Not one bit. 

Coughing and sitting up on his elbows, the teen realized what this most likely looked like. His face was completely crimson and Phil was straddling him, hands gripping his sides in a way that seemingly couldn't insinuate anything other than...Oh, god. 

"Not what it looks like! Just tickling!" He said quickly as the dark haired boy climbed off of him. Looking over, he spotted Phil smirking as he looked away. 

Jordan suppressed a grin as she rolled her eyes. "Sure it isn't, loverboy. Just get in the car quick, I gotta get gas."

"It isn't!" Dan persisted as his face once again heated up, dusting dirt off of his shirt and pants as he stood up with the other boy, looking at him with a slightly awkward but happy expression. "See you in class tomorrow, then, I guess?"

"Yeah. See you in class, loverboy," he uttered the last one in a low voice before turning on his heel confidently to walk back to his house. 

The brunette stared after him, watching him stride away with a vaguely lovestruck expression. That dreamy moment was ruined as Jordan honked her horn.

"C'mon, Daniel, I need gas, you can tell me all about how much you want him to touch you in so many places later!" She yelled out. Dan's eyes went as big as saucers as he scrambled to get in the passenger seat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More short stuff! Cool!  
> Feel free to comment and kudos if you'd like, I always appreciate feedback <3

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic. don't yell at me i am smol . 
> 
> side note, the first chapter is really mcfreakn short but hopefully they will grow!! <3


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